


The Terrifying Thing About Love

by Adventures_in_Writing



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Tuckington - Freeform, rvb 13 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5120468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adventures_in_Writing/pseuds/Adventures_in_Writing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing about romance in movies, Tucker had decided, aside from the whole awful cliche’s and the whole “boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after” trope, was that they were completely and utterly unrealistic.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Because none of them ever, ever, ever, show you how completely terrifying falling in love was.</p>
<p>The most terrifying thing about it though? The realisation that his life was no longer his priority. The realisation that he would do anything to protect or help or save the one he loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Terrifying Thing About Love

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt received on [ my Tumblr](http://an-adventure-in-writing.tumblr.com/): tucker loves wash and that scares him bc his feelings are so strong and he's never felt this way before. wash loves tucker and that scares HIM bc bc everyone he has ever loved is dead and he's so sure he doesn't deserve tucker. they're both adorable, pining scaredy-cats. but then something happens and they both realise they can't afford to be scared anymore. they are scared into confessing their terrifying feelings for each other! fear is a weird thing...
> 
> Spoilers for the end of Season 13.

* * *

 

The thing about romance in movies, Tucker had decided, aside from the whole awful cliche’s and the whole “boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after” trope, was that they were completely and utterly unrealistic. Yes, yes, it was super obviously unrealistic when the characters go from hating one another’s guts to being head over heels in like three days but the way they portray the actual falling in love bit was absolute bullshit.

Why?

Because none of them ever, ever, _ever_ show you how completely terrifying falling in love was. They always show you how it hits you like a freight train, completely out of nowhere and it leaves the person exhilarated and breathless and eager and it was total bullshit.

Sometimes it doesn’t hit you like a one-tonne tank crashing into you, sometimes its not completely out of nowhere, sometimes it’s quiet and creeps up on you, even though it has been so fucking obvious since day one.

The most terrifying thing about it though? The realisation that his life was no longer his priority. The realisation that he would do _anything_ to protect or help or save the one he loved.

With Junior it’s different. With Junior, it made sense. Junior was his flesh and blood, a child who _needed_ protecting but Wash was an adult. A highly skilled and trained soldier who was far, far more capable than Tucker ever would be. He didn’t need protecting and yet, whenever the battles start, his first thought was always about Wash. He and his team mates come second in his mind and that was terrifying.

He could, of course, just tell Wash that he worried about him. That he was constantly wondering if Wash was safe because, goddamn he did some crazy shit out there. Doing that would mean admitting that Wash was someone extremely important and Tucker was’t used to having anyone like that in his life. He was used to dropping cheesy pickup lines in the hopes that he might get laid one night or that there would be some entertaining flirting. He hadn’t ever cared about someone so much. Tucker hadn’t ever wanted to hold someone gently and soothe their worries, he hadn’t ever wanted to make them genuinely smile just because seeing them happy made him happy. He had never entertained the thought of perhaps spending the rest of his life with one person and it was so terrifying to him so much that he refused to let it show. He took his feelings and put them on a shelf in an attempt to leave them in the back of his mind, to collect dust and cobwebs as he focussed on everything else but the blonde, freckled man whom had somehow charmed his way into his heart.

 

*****

 

There weren’t a lot of things that scared Washington now. Nothing could be as terrifying as what he had experienced during Project Freelancer. He had received the best training and had made it through the crazy experiments, an AI trying to kill itself in his head, the downfall of the project and the deaths of those whom he thought he was closest to. That was just the tip of the metaphorical iceberg.

So the morning that he’d caught himself staring as Tucker laughed with Caboose, terror threw its hooks into him, sinking in deeply.

No.

He wouldn’t let it happen again. People he got close to always died. There were no exceptions.

Wash refused to let himself get close, he wouldn’t let these feelings grow any more than they had and he certainly wouldn’t let Tucker know. It would be easier for both of them if they remained friends. If that’s what they could even be called. Looking back on their friendship there had been some questionable moments where the line between friendship and something else had blurred.

Wash didn’t want to go through that again. He didn’t want to go through the pain of losing someone he cared about and if the way his heart grew warm and his mind went into panic every time Tucker smiled, or every time they touched, then he knew that it would hurt.

It terrified him, knowing that he was so vulnerable and that there was very little that he, or anyone could do to fix it. He felt completely open to attack. If anything were to happen to Tucker…

He made a promise to himself. His mind and heart at war, but he promised it anyway: No one must know.

 

*****

 

There were lots of things that scared Lavernius Tucker as he and his teammates ran through the gauntlet that was Hargrove’s ship. It was perfectly logical to be terrified about getting blown up into little bits, or getting trapped and shot at point blank range. It was logical to be scared for his life and those of his teammates, and it was logical that he was relieved that Wash was safe from all this bullshit up in the sky.

If he made it out of this alive, there was one thing that he found that had terrified him more than the bullets and the armed me outside of the heavy metal door. It didn’t make any sense, and in light of the very real danger he was in it seemed stupid, but Tucker was downright terrified that he would die, right here and now, without Washington ever knowing just how much he was loved.

 

*****

 

  
The thing about promises, Wash had decided, was that sometimes they’re very hard to keep.

Especially when you’re afraid that you might not ever see someone again whom you’re certain you cannot live without.

The mantis-class droid fell to a smoking heap, Carolina having single-handedly taken it down whilst Wash kept any further threats at bay. He spared a glance up at the sky to the massive spaceship that he knew was currently being infiltrated. He turned his attention back to the ground, taking out an enemy soldier who was lining up a shot.

Although he believed in the soldiers up on the spaceship in the sky, fear coursed through his veins. What if Tucker and the others didn’t make it out? What if Tucker died up there, not knowing how often Wash thought of him? Not knowing that Tucker was always in his mind?

This was one promise to himself that he was happy to break.   
He’s just hopeful that he can make it through the battle. That they _both_ make it through the battle.

 

*****

 

As Grif took control of the ship, with F.I.L.S.S providing much-needed flight assistance, Tucker shook. He’d tried establishing a communication link with Carolina and Wash, but there had only been static. The voices in his mind, trying not to overwhelm him, had said that there was interference which was jamming the signal. The voices said to wait until they’d landed before thinking of the worst. A child-like voice had said that Wash and Carolina hadn’t been beaten yet and that there was a really good chance that they’d won.

Tucker had replied that he’d already lost someone close to him. He couldn’t bear to lose another, so if the voices knew anything, they should tell him. They shouldn’t bullshit him and bring his hopes up only to have them crushed.

A calm voice, deep and soothing mentioned that, taking their previous battles into consideration, Carolina and Wash both had excellent chances at still being alive.

It wasn’t quite the answer Tucker was looking for, but that would have to do.

 

*****

 

Despite the fact that he had told himself to break his promise, to get over the fear eating away at him every time he thought about starting the discussion with Tucker, the two had been so busy with the clean up after the battle that they’d barely had any time to talk.

A fact that Wash had secretly been glad for.

But as the days passed, and he recalled the sensation of his stomach lurching when he realised that Tucker might not have made it back alive, he knew that he couldn’t just wait for the right moment to say something. He needed to make it happen.

Washington couldn’t recall a time recently when he’d felt this nervous. He felt like his hands were trembling and his stomach was a cloud of butterflies as he approached Tucker late one afternoon, his helmet in his hands. He felt naked without it on, but he also felt that this was a conversation he needed to have face to face.

“Hey, Tucker…could I, uh, talk to you for a second?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

Wash’s mind blanked. What was it that he was meant to say?

“Um, I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“What? Of course I’m okay. We kicked their asses.”

“No, I mean, yes, you did, but that isn’t what I was getting at. I was really worried about you.”

“You said you believed in me!”

“I did. I _do_. But I was still worried, you know. It was a really dangerous situation. I believed you could do it but…I was terrified.”

Tucker took in Wash’s expression for a moment before reaching up to unclip the seals on his helmet. His voice was quiet and his expression gentle as he regarded Wash, standing before him, his body posture telling him just how vulnerable he was feeling right now.

“I was terrified too,” Tucker admitted.

“But…not about you being killed.”

“Me neither.”

“At first, I was really afraid to say something…but then the battle started and I was so scared that you might be killed without knowing something important that I have to say it.”

His heart thudded in his chest, his mind instantly replaying all the moments they’d shared where Tucker had wished that he’d said something or reached out.

“Me too. I was terrified that I wouldn’t make it back to tell you and now that I did make it back, I’m still kinda scared to say it.”

“I love you,” Wash managed to say without his voice cracking or stuttering, despite how his body tensed and his blood ran cold as the words left him. He waited for Tucker to say or do something and he breathed a sigh of relief as Tucker smiled.

Tucker couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he heard the words he’d been wishing he could hear for a long, long time.

“I love you too,” he replied, his voice wavering a little as he whispered the words he thought he’d be too afraid to say.


End file.
